...like I’m on my way to dj in a psytrance festival in Morocco, Rhythms of Peace 2006, waiting outside of a travel agency and here comes Goose with his backpack, and i ask him you goin’ party, yes, how, and oh i’m a big fan of taxis he says, a minute later we’re in a car and its pouring like hell, we’re waiting somewhere out in the wild, then we’re on the back of a tractor trailer, the storm has pulled the festival area to the ground, doors of the toilets have flown away. We camp side by side, my tent looks so sad and Goose is of course proud of his Northface and his inflatable bed. Then the sun shines and never leaves us. A week goes in a magic planet somewhere between the ocean and the desert and we meet Turgay, he falls from the sky right in front of our eyes. We three can’t separate, I change my ticket, we rent a car, we go on wild road trip, fear and loathing in Morocco...
This is not about romanticising loss, this is not about trying to find a way to make it more bearable the fact that he’s been taken away from us so early. This is a real question I believe many of us have been thinking, but hard to spell out. Everything happens for a reason. If two people meet in life they both have reasons, they have things to give and take from each other. And everyone has a mission in life, which is why all individuals are unique like snowflakes: the true essence of our beings define our mission in life. And we are closer to achieving this as much as we are in touch with our essence, and with life.
There are so many things to be told about Goose, that reckless, fun loving, beauty adoring creature beaming with life and light as much as he could become that 3 year old unbearable spoiled brat sometimes, that you felt only helpless how to handle. We all have our blind spots, and so did he. How can someone be so open and in touch with life but disappear into sheer darkness and silence in the face of some emotional intruder. How easy can it be to go into so many peoples lives, become a part of their lives, how easy to give, yet how difficult to take? There are no explanations to who we are, why the universe has shaped us into who we are. But if we all have missions in life Goose had a big one and he was serious about it. Serious about being all himself no matter what, serious about enjoying life, serious about appreciating beauty, serious about having endless fun and also serious about questioning the mystery of life, unafraid and willing to go to the deepest ends of the enigma. First thing; yes, he was an explorer. He lived to the full, come rain or come shine. And second; he was true. True to himself, true to anyone, whatever it may cost. Sometimes you wonder, in spite of his cheerful laughter and craziness that brings people to life, what lies in the darkness of his cave. We might never know. Sometimes I imagine him like a dark cave opening into the world in a lush green, wonderfully beautiful part of the world, surrounded with waterfalls; and all kinds of things, all the force of life bursting into the endless heart of the world; flowers, bats, rainbows, smoke, beer cans, winged gazelles, demons, fairies... making life... But who knows what is in the darkness of the cave, only some precious have been allowed there, maybe...
So truth. What about it? Is there a single person among us that hasn’t learned about themselves from Goose? Truth is a brutal teacher but it is the most difficult and powerful manifestation of love. Something essential about Goose is how straightforward he was. He was one true friend who would always tell you the truth, in your face, no matter how awesome, awkward or awful it is. There is a certain pattern in his life what looks like a mission really. Travelling the world, meeting so many people, making so many friends, showing all how to live life without restraints, how to appreciate the beauty and magic of life, how to let go, how to be free, how become your own true self. And letting people know of their blindspots, telling them their own truth. Maybe what all people see in you, that one thing or those little things about everyone, the things that stop people from becoming who they really are, who they’re supposed to be. The thing that none of your loved ones will ever dare to tell you; he would just say it in a breeze. Because truth is beauty... because beauty is truth... There is nothing wrong about those truths that no one but him would tell you, except slowing you down in becoming your gorgeous self, and we’ll always appreciate Goose for this rare and preciously brave quality. So in the moments when we think we are closer to ourselves, closer to the butterfly rather than the caterpillar, closer to life, we can always remember Goose and feel grateful. For becoming a part of us, for letting us know of our beautifully awful truth, for getting us an inch closer to the magic of life that surrounds us.
There’s no Pan
Like Peter Pan
In Neverland
You think??
Nevermind the land
To hell with the grand plan
I wish to see you
Naked
Off your shield
Laughing like the kid you are
Penniless
Disarmed
Still shameless
Playing like the kid you are
Sona, January 2009
1 comment:
oyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
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